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I was so tired,

had been for so long,

but I refused to admit it. 

 

I ran high-level fire-fighting all the time. 

I couldn’t breathe, the arms were heavy, and the legs trembled! 

I am 4 years old. It’s summer.

I am standing with my mother’s scissors in my hand, just about to cut through my long, blond hair.

 

I cut a long slice, laughing, lifting it, and let the warm summer wind blow it away.

I am dancing with the wind and feel like an angel flying around.

 

I cut another lock of my hair and another until there’s nothing more to cut.

Then an older girl from the neighborhood finds me and explodes at me, screaming,

 

“What have you done?”

She’s telling me how ugly I am and that my parents will punish me for this.

She repeats over and over.

 

“How could you BE THIS STUPID?”

 

I was shocked, terrified, confused, hurt... at the same time.

I find myself home in the hall, hiding under all the jackets, crying desperately. My heart was bleeding.

 

What had I done?

How can I be loved by anyone now that I am so ugly and stupid?

 

Years later, I’m standing in the middle of our classroom as a teenager, receiving all these ugly words of how I am, acting and behaving, and being told that I don’t fit in.

I have heard it so many times before, so I easily believe it to be true.

I have distanced myself, hidden and become frozen, refuse to show the real me anymore.

 

I dive into overeating to comfort myself.

I become a master in denying myself and my feelings.

My heart and soul couldn’t accept how I was treating it, so it turned my body into a disease, trying to force me to listen.

I went in and out of hospitals for 3 years, but there was no healing.

 

Sickness became a weakness to me, so one day, I refused to be sick anymore.

***

Fast forward years.

I was looking for happiness and fulfillment in everything around me; in food, in books, in writing, in my work and businesses, in all types of accomplishments and statuses.

 

I reached higher and higher, wanted more and more.

 

I did it really well.

 

I learned how to build businesses, how to sell, and how to achieve any goal.

 

It seems that everything I touched turned into gold.

But it was never enough.

I easily got bored and easily changed direction in my careers; I couldn’t find my place.

 

I had studied leadership for many years, but at a point, I failed hugely in treating people well. I couldn’t even healthily treat myself.

 

I began to criticize and blame others in my darkness, making them pay for my unfulfillment.

And people got sick around me.

Falling like flies.

It made me hate sickness even more.

 

 

Then one day at work, a cold Sunday in February, the reality came over me.

 

I was so tired, had been for so long, but refused to admit it.

 

I ran high-level fire-fighting all the time.

I couldn’t breathe, the arms were heavy, and the legs trembled!

 

I collapsed on the floor, tore up my shirt, and raised my breath.

Everything squeezed, and for a short moment, I blacked out.

 

I was kneeling on the cold floor, completely paralyzed and unable to understand what was happening.

I returned to reality, and then the fear rose fiercely in me.

“What had I done?

How could I have become this way?”

The little girl inside was screaming so loud.

My whole world fell apart. I was crushed and humiliated.

 

At that moment, I knew something serious had to change.

I HAD TO CHANGE!

 

With my hands folded, tears running, and a heart overwhelmed with a new kind of love I didn't felt before, I decided to start searching for the truth, to find the real me, to find my inner beauty, and to get to know that happy little girl again.

 

I decided to make peace with myself.

To forgive and to love me.

To give me permission to BE loved and to shine for others.

My own false belief about how I thought things should be had finally taken me down.

I started to cry loudly. So grateful for this realization.

 

I finally saw how my toxic thinking and behaviors had taken over my life.

 

I had been an expert in pushing away the uncomfortable instead of standing up for myself and for what that little girl inside me wanted.

 

I had been an expert in talking myself down.

I was never good enough – for myself!

 

What a lie and false belief I’d kept all these years.

I was a stressed-out serial entrepreneur, overworked and unhappy.

The next morning, I was clear on selling my three businesses and finding my best self!

All these businesses were just another need for proving myself right, and I was done with that.

 

But my new journey wasn’t that easy...

 

I continued to look outside myself instead of looking into my heart and soul for answers.

 

This process made me feel frustrated, overwhelmed, and irritated.

 

I read all the self-help books I came across, followed gurus, and tried to fit in, once again.

So, in my desperation, I just started journaling, praying, and meditating.

It wasn't what everybody had told me or expected of me, but the real truth of my heart and my desires, growing up from gratitude.

I finally saw ME.

 

At that moment, I knew for sure I was the one to set my sail.

And I just knew I could do and have whatever I wanted because I believe I AM good enough and am lovable.

I realized that I had so much precious knowledge to share, and I knew I could make an impact teaching others what I’d learned to find my own inner Queen.

 

I couldn’t be truly successful in any business without being connected to my interior empires and really love myself.

My self-talk, self-denial, and how I chose to respond to what happened to me had cost me so much,

-but at the same time given me the greatest gift ever!

 

My whole life changed.

After all, it was only when I started focusing on myself that I realized the truth through personal growth coaching, tools, and mentorship.

"Your reality is a reflection of who You are, on an invisible energetic level."

Yes, I’m still working on and healing into new beautiful, empowering, and nurturing beliefs.

I finally understood that everything that happened, happened for me, for me to learn, for me to grow, and for me to give when the time was right, so that my faults could be a blessing to others,

and for that, I’m so grateful, and it makes me really excited for the future.

Your story, no matter how difficult it seems, has a life lesson to you as well.

By healing our inner child, we begin to create our younger selves' safety and security.

Our weaknesses can become our strengths.

You are safe, you are loved & you are more than enough!

Much Love to You!

 

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